Internet Romance or Freedom?

Hey Hippie,
I am not a hippie kid, no, I am a middleaged hippie chick who happened upon your site by accident (or an act of the universe).
Hippie I spent the last 18 years as a drafted (widowed) single mother. Now its my turn. Selling the house in the suburbs and heading for the life I always wanted. Problem is, I met a guy online 9 mos ago. He is a hippie and wants to share my new life with me. We will be meeting soon but except the for the thrill of romance, I worry about how compatible we actually are.

Part of me is tickled at the prospect of a new relationship with a fellow hippie at this stage of my life, but a part of me yearns to be free, you know? To do what I want when I want to, finally, after all these years. No settling into domestic bliss, no one to answer to, no limitations. In my logical view, it seems that being alone until I am sure I want to share my life, makes sense, but this guy says he wants all or nothing and NOW.
Help me hippy!
featherearrings

Featherearrings,

You say you haven’t even met this guy yet? And he says he wants all or nothing? Somethings not right here. Sorry to be so blunt. But someone’s living in a fantasy world. I suppose you can get to know about someone over the Internet, but I would be very hesitant to want to commit myself to someone I NEVER EVEN MET in person. I suppose there’s always a chance it will be love at first site (pun intended). But let’s get real here. Even if you’d been going out on dates for 9 months and someone lays a trip on you that you must be theirs or nothing, isn’t that rather demanding? Is that some kind of weird marriage proposal? If so, it would seem to be at odds with hippie philosophy, which emphasizes personal freedom.

Again, something seems wrong here. And I think you should proceed with that in mind. Take it one step at a time, and don’t commit yourself. In fact, I’d discuss your feelings with him more. Take careful note of his reactions. You don’t say how you feel about him at all, so I suspect your feelings aren’t as obsessive as his. If he’s still of a mind that it’s all or nothing, then that is extremely unfair to you and rather inconsiderate. And my guess is you can expect a lot more of that in your relationship.

I really think meeting him in person might not be a good idea until you’ve sorted out the expectations involved in the meeting. If you’re going to meet this person, do it in a public place, so if you don’t want to go, you won’t have a problem saying no.

Compatibility is not something you can discover via the Internet. It could easily take you months living together to know if you have what it takes to make the relationship work. His demands make no sense, and I am suspicious. You should be too.

If this is the moment of freedom that you have been looking forward to for years, then THAT is what you need to experience. Don’t let some dude you don’t really know, snag you on the rebound. Go for that freedom and discover your real self again. If you’re meant to be with this guy, he’ll be waiting for you. If not there will be many other great guys waiting to meet you (in person!), who perhaps are more considerate of your needs.

Good luck, I hope you find what you’re seeking,
-The Old Hippy

Posted by: skip
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